omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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