How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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