this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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