I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
