just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
