Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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