420 ftw
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
