two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
