I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
