No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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