You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
