Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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