Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
All I want is dick and wine.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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