Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
