how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
