Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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