So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
