we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
