I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
