He kissed a someone with a penis
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
