I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
