That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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