Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Randomize
