Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
