Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
