i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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