I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I love having hate sex.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
