apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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