What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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