I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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