Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
