I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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