You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize