if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
