Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
