I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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