New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
