I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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