Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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