Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
