If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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