Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
