Well apparently he's into motor boating.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
