We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
