I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
