david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
someone owes me an orgasm
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
