I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
babies were throwing up all over the place
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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