Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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