Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
