did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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