It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
