i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
