Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
