I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize