I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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