I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
