hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
