The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
