i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
