barbara walters just said penis...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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