wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
