Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
