He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
