speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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