I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
