So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
