remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
