Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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