it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
